CBS and SCO Charge: Bush stole Unix!
<p>OREM, UTAH &#8212; In a startling and unexpected joint press conference, CBS<br />
and SCO, Inc. charged today that President George W. Bush had<br />
conspired with IBM to steal Unix code while Linus Torvalds was AWOL<br />
from the Finnish army.</p>
<p>Standing shoulder-to-shoulder at the podium, Dan Rather and Darl McBride<br />
flourished what they said was documentary proof, in the form of source<br />
code listings found in a wastebasket at Texas Air National Guard<br />
offices.</p>
<p>Open-source hackers and bloggers immediately questioned the report.  &#8220;In<br />
1972 Linus was like, three years old!&#8221; one Slashdotter commented.  &#8220;I could<br />
be wrong, but I don&#8217;t think they let toddlers into the Finnish army&#8221;.  Others<br />
pointed out that the listings were laser-printed on sheet-fed paper<br />
using a technology not available in any form until 1978 and not deployed<br />
by the Texas Air National Guard until after 1984.  The Linux operating<br />
system was launched in 1991.</p>
<p>&#8220;We at CBS have consulted numerous experts and believe these to be accurate,&#8221;<br />
Dan Rather said, &#8220;but it doesn&#8217;t really matter whether or not they are<br />
authentic. George W. Bush&#8217;s role in flouting the intellectual-property laws<br />
of this country must be fully investigated.  It&#8217;s not the nature of the<br />
evidence, it&#8217;s the seriousness of the charges!&#8221;</p>
<p>&#8220;SCO is seeking additional discovery from IBM,&#8221; added Darl McBride.<br />
&#8220;We have confidence that if we can just get our hands on every IBM<br />
code listing from the dawn of time and depose every IBM employee<br />
living or dead, we will be able to drag this case out long enough to<br />
swing not just the the 2004 elections but the 2008 ones as well!&#8221;</p>
<p>In related news, the Kerry campaign &#8212; still struggling to rebut<br />
charges of computer illiteracy raised by the Swift Vets&#8217; searing<br />
expose &#8220;Unfit for COMMAND.COM&#8221; &#8212; is rumored to have received a<br />
donation from Bill Gates that included both a large wad of cash and<br />
all known remaining copies of &#8220;Microsoft Bob&#8221;.  Spokepersons could not<br />
be reached for comment.</p>
