33 lines
2.3 KiB
Plaintext
33 lines
2.3 KiB
Plaintext
CBS and SCO Charge: Bush stole Unix!
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<p>OREM, UTAH — In a startling and unexpected joint press conference, CBS<br />
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and SCO, Inc. charged today that President George W. Bush had<br />
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conspired with IBM to steal Unix code while Linus Torvalds was AWOL<br />
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from the Finnish army.</p>
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<p>Standing shoulder-to-shoulder at the podium, Dan Rather and Darl McBride<br />
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flourished what they said was documentary proof, in the form of source<br />
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code listings found in a wastebasket at Texas Air National Guard<br />
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offices.</p>
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<p>Open-source hackers and bloggers immediately questioned the report. “In<br />
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1972 Linus was like, three years old!” one Slashdotter commented. “I could<br />
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be wrong, but I don’t think they let toddlers into the Finnish army”. Others<br />
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pointed out that the listings were laser-printed on sheet-fed paper<br />
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using a technology not available in any form until 1978 and not deployed<br />
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by the Texas Air National Guard until after 1984. The Linux operating<br />
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system was launched in 1991.</p>
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<p>“We at CBS have consulted numerous experts and believe these to be accurate,”<br />
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Dan Rather said, “but it doesn’t really matter whether or not they are<br />
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authentic. George W. Bush’s role in flouting the intellectual-property laws<br />
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of this country must be fully investigated. It’s not the nature of the<br />
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evidence, it’s the seriousness of the charges!”</p>
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<p>“SCO is seeking additional discovery from IBM,” added Darl McBride.<br />
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“We have confidence that if we can just get our hands on every IBM<br />
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code listing from the dawn of time and depose every IBM employee<br />
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living or dead, we will be able to drag this case out long enough to<br />
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swing not just the the 2004 elections but the 2008 ones as well!”</p>
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<p>In related news, the Kerry campaign — still struggling to rebut<br />
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charges of computer illiteracy raised by the Swift Vets’ searing<br />
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expose “Unfit for COMMAND.COM” — is rumored to have received a<br />
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donation from Bill Gates that included both a large wad of cash and<br />
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all known remaining copies of “Microsoft Bob”. Spokepersons could not<br />
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be reached for comment.</p>
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