71 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
71 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
Top Ten Reasons I’m Neither a Liberal Nor a Conservative:
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<p>I’m reposting this screed from 2002 because it’s no longer visible on the Web, and in the near future I expect to post some things that will get me accused of right-wing bias.</p>
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<p>Top Ten Reasons I’m Not A (Left-)Liberal:</p>
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<ol>
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<li>Gun control. Liberals are completely wrong about this. A fair number<br />
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of them know better, too, but they sponsor lies about it as a form of class<br />
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warfare against conservative-leaning gun owners.</li>
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<li>Nuclear power. They’re wrong about this, too, and the cost in<br />
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both dollars and human deaths by pollution and other fossil-fuel<br />
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side-effects has been enormous.</li>
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<li>Affirmative action. These programs couldn’t be a more diabolical or<br />
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effective plan for plan for entrenching racial prejudice if the Aryan<br />
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Nations had designed them.</li>
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<li>Abortion: The liberals’ looney-toon feminist need to believe that<br />
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a fetus one second before birth is a parasitic lump of tissue with no<br />
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rights, but a fetus one second afterwards is a full human, has done<br />
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half the job of making a reasoned debate on abortion<br />
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nigh-impossible.</li>
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<li>Communism. I haven’t forgiven the Left for sucking up to the monstrous<br />
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evil that was the Soviet Union. And I never will.</li>
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<li>Socialism. Liberals have never met a tax, a government<br />
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intervention, or a forcible redistribution of wealth they didn’t like.<br />
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Their economic program is Communism without the guts to admit it.</li>
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<li>Junk science. No medical study is too bogus and no environmental<br />
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scare too fraudalent for liberals. If it rationalizes bashing<br />
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capitalism or slathering on another layer of regulatory bureaucracy,<br />
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they’ll take it.</li>
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<li>Defining deviancy down. Liberals are in such a desperate rush to<br />
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embrace the `victimized by society’ and speak the language of<br />
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compassion that they’ve forgotten how to condemn harmful,<br />
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self-destructive and other-destructive behavior.</li>
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<li>William Jefferson Clinton. Sociopathic liar, perjurer, sexual predator.<br />
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There was nothing but a sucking narcissistic vacuum where his principles<br />
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should have been. Liberals worship him.</li>
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<li>Liberals, by and large, are fools.</li>
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</ol>
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<p>Top Ten Reasons I’m Not A Conservative:</p>
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<ol>
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<li>Pornography. The complete absence of evidence that exposure to<br />
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sexually-explicit material is harmful to children or anyone else doesn’t<br />
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stop conservatives from advocating massive censorship.</li>
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<li>Drugs. We found out that Prohibition was a bad idea back in the<br />
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1930s — all it did was create a huge and virulent criminal class, erode<br />
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respect for the law, and corrupt our politics. Some people never learn.</li>
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<li>Creationism. I don’t know who I find more revolting, the drooling<br />
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morons who actally believe creationism or the intelligent panderers<br />
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who know better but provide them with political cover for their<br />
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religious-fundamentalist agenda in return for votes.</li>
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<li>Abortion. The conservatives’ looney-toon religious need to<br />
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believe that a fertilized gamete is morally equivalent to a human<br />
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being has done the other half of making a reasoned debate on abortion<br />
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nigh-impossible.</li>
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<li>Racism. I haven’t forgiven the Right for segregation, Jim Crow laws,<br />
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and lynching blacks. And I never will.</li>
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<li>Sexism. Way too much conservative thought still reads like an<br />
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apologia for keeping women barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen.</li>
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<li>Anti-science. Stem cells, therapeutic cloning — it doesn’t matter<br />
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how many more diabetes, cancer and AIDS patients have to die to<br />
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protect the anti-abortion movement’s ideological flanks. Knowledge —<br />
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who needs it? Conservatives would try suppressing <em>astronomy</em><br />
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if the telescope had just been invented.</li>
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<li>Family values. Conservatives are so desperate to reassert the<br />
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repressive `normalcy’ they think existed in Grand-dad’s time that they<br />
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pretend we can undo the effects of the automobile, television, the<br />
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Pill, and the Internet.</li>
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<li>Ronald Wilson Reagan. A B-movie actor who thought ketchup was<br />
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a vegetable. His grip on reality was so dangerously weak that the<br />
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Alzheimer’s made no perceptible difference. Conservatives worship him.</li>
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<li>Conservatives, by and large, are villains.</li>
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</ol>
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