46 lines
3.0 KiB
Plaintext
46 lines
3.0 KiB
Plaintext
Where’s Tom Wolfe when you need him?
|
|
<p>The Ananova site brings us this little gem:</p>
|
|
<h3>Baseball star’s wife makes ultimate threat</h3>
|
|
<blockquote>
|
|
<p>The wife of a top US baseball player has vowed to have sex with all of<br />
|
|
his team mates if he ever cheats on her.</p>
|
|
<p>Anna Benson, a former model and stripper who was named Baseball’s<br />
|
|
Hottest Wife by FHM, is married to Mets pitcher Kris Benson.</p>
|
|
<p>She told Howard Stern’s radio show: “I told him, cheat on me all<br />
|
|
you want. If you get caught, I’m going to s***w everybody on your<br />
|
|
entire team. Coaches, trainers, players. I would do everybody on his<br />
|
|
whole team.”</p>
|
|
<p>Stern, egging her on, asked: “Even the coaches? What about, like, the<br />
|
|
bat boys?”</p>
|
|
<p>“Everybody would get a turn,” Anna pledged. “If my husband cheated on<br />
|
|
me and embarrassed me like that, I will embarrass him more than he<br />
|
|
could ever imagine.”</p>
|
|
</blockquote>
|
|
<p>Uh huh. I see that, somehow, <a href='graphics/anna-benson.jpg'>this woman</a> managed to have a<br />
|
|
career as a “model and stripper” without developing the faintest shred<br />
|
|
of a clue how men think or respond to a challenge like this.</p>
|
|
<p>Bet on it. Somehere, a coalition of the most unattractive<br />
|
|
no-hopers in the Mets organization — probably organized by some<br />
|
|
dude with a beer gut, bad breath, and a bread-dough complexion who<br />
|
|
harbors a long-simmering lust for the wench — is now organizing<br />
|
|
a pool with which to engage the foxiest hookers in the Big Apple to<br />
|
|
waylay her husband. What a pitch! Throw $50 in the kitty and<br />
|
|
“Baseball’s Hottest Wife” will bang you too!</p>
|
|
<p>Think of it…everywhere Kris Benson goes, hired hotties in thongs,<br />
|
|
lingerie, and leather will be lying in wait for him. They’ll hit on<br />
|
|
him in bars and materialize unaccountably in his hotel room after away<br />
|
|
games. They’ll try to give him blow jobs in taxis. Confederates<br />
|
|
with cameras will lurk nearby.</p>
|
|
<p>I’m not sure which would be funnier…the version in which hubby<br />
|
|
succumbs to some soiled lily’s charms and wifey screws her way through<br />
|
|
the team before making an “Eeeew!” of disgust at the instigator and<br />
|
|
splitting for Cancun with the hunky batboy? Or perhaps the version in<br />
|
|
which hubby is cornered, hands over his crotch, by a gaggle of<br />
|
|
rapacious prostitutes who decide they’re not being paid enough for<br />
|
|
this shit and turn on organizer-dude to rend him limb from limb like<br />
|
|
some posse of latter-day Bacchantes.</p>
|
|
<p>O the humanity. O the satirical-novel possibilities!</p>
|
|
<p>UPDATE: My wife Cathy, who is an <a href='graphics/cathy-red.jpg'>actual woman</a>, comments “You have to<br />
|
|
wonder about her motives for making a threat like this in public. Me,<br />
|
|
I suspect that doing the whole team is her fantasy…”</p>
|